posted 08-12-2005 09:52 AM         

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest chemical yet known to science. This new element has been
tentatively named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy
neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected
as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny
amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to
complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay
but
instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will
cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of
moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is
formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This
hypocritical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know
it when you see it.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an
element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many
peons
but twice as many morons.