posted 12-03-2001 10:09 PM                  

It is the holiday season it seems that everyone is reducing the price of their products to assist us owners in affording to upgrade our racing machines.

I too, want to get into the spirit of things by once again offering some of my best selling products for a new lower price.

You may remember that I introduced the plastic gear set that had a 7,000 tooth design (3 gold teeth) that increased RHP to over 500! The gears sold for only $129 and included a 2 mile warranty. What a deal. We originally sold a ton of these for 1/4 mile runs to Gary. We have now dropped the price on these beauties to $1.99 through December 31, 2001. Wow, all of that performance at this cost competitive price.

Anyway, as you know, my "crack" engineering department has developed the new "Tater Chip" for your Prowler. This chip is far less expensive then the competition and offers many unique features.

We currently have two versions available for immediate delivery. Version one, the rippled one with onion and sour cream flavor will really set you back on your feet.

This "Tater Chip" sells for on $.79 and comes with about forty spares. It can be custom programmed to include various options that are user changeable.

We also have version two, the barbecued version that really will put some kick into your old two step. This beauty is guaranteed to add significant power to your pucker string! The price is only $.99 and also includes several spares.

It is not easy to offer these fine products for such a small amount of money as the development, testing and certification process eats up any real profits. The royalty stream is greatly reduced by having to pay "Mr. Cat" (Alley Cat) for his stupid endorsement. This necessary expense has all but assured us of an unprofitable endeavor, yet we do have his seal.

Give some thought to these two alternatives and remember that a purchase from me also includes a 10% tax deductible donation to the 115 year old Prowler owner's fund.

I have been using these "donations" to keep me in "Hungry-Man" TV dinners and Lumber-Jack ribbed body condoms. At my age, they make great savings banks!

If you have any significant interest in actual performance figures, my friend Billy-Bob Bodine, a fellow Prowler owner and founder of the Billy-Bob Bodine Home for Unwed Mothers in Menlo Park, California, has made some real fast runs and is still alive to talk about it.

Gotta go as my medi-mail prescriptions for Paxel have come in at my post office box and I want to start my medication prior to the weekend as I am expecting a significant dating campaign to start with some young Home Depot fillies dressed like Santa.

This is a great board, with wonderful contributors, and I just wanted to introduce some holiday cheer and offer reduced prices on some products that are sure to be stocking stuffers for this year's urban Santa.

Scot

posted 12-03-2001 10:50 PM                  

I have found the "tater chip" taste not to my liking, but the new BBQ chip may provide the added bite I'm looking for. My real interest will be the plastic gears with the 3 gold teeth - I now see how your relatives made their fortune in the undertaker business in So-Cal. They also sold watches, shoes, and suits down at the Tijuana border crossing, right? Brought a new meaning to the term "Budget Burial" - and I heard they were the first to bury people in the vertical position to maximize cemetary lot space! Outstanding sales merchandising, I must say.

posted 12-03-2001 11:33 PM                  

I'll take anything that I can get and....I'll give you double airline miles on your purchase. Of course, if you have either a Purple Martin, or Husky Oil credit card, I would be able to offer a .0000003% discount off of our already low prices.

Shipping via FedEx is not included in the sale. With your royalties for endorsements we are not able to include the shipping charges. We would consider free camel back shipping as we understand that there is a new service available that is more economical.

Sorry but my family's vocation was not in the field of death. Actually, most of my family, the ones who are no longer in jail or under inditement, come from the automobile business. For all practical purposes I consider that two steps below the funeral profession.

My brother, Scum Ball the Wealthy One, is a Chrysler Dealer in LA. I do not belive that there is a much lower life form than him and his associates.

The gold for the teeth in my gears comes primarily from the melted down wedding rings from my previous wives. You may not know this, but my first six wives died from eating poison mushrooms. My seventh wife died from a concussion, as she would not eat the poison mushrooms!

Gotta run as I just received a 1/18 diecast model of Dew Drop and I need to check it against her for authenticity. She is running for the coveted "squaw of the year" award and I need to help her to cram for the test.

Scot

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2001 Silver Prowler
Mud Flaps Front & Rear
Silver Shimmers
Ceramic Brakes
Chrysler Cover
1993 Allante
1981 Delorean
1979 Limited Edition & 1975 anniversary MGB's
1998 & 1986 Corvette's

posted 12-03-2001 11:48 PM                  

You have a good point. My eye sight is not what it used to be and I have been thinking that some of those dinners are a bit chewy. The flavor seems about the same for both products but at my age nothing seems to taste as it should.

I try to concentrate on looking at the honey's and lately, I think that a braille version would be most helpful. I just got a new blow-up version friend for riding in the Cat in the car pool lanes and come to think of it the doll seems to taste a lot like my Hungry Man dinners. It is time for LASIK treatment!

Gotta run, I feel some pressure building and perhaps it is time to adjourn to the reading room.

Scot

------------------
2001 Silver Prowler
Mud Flaps Front & Rear
Silver Shimmers
Ceramic Brakes
Chrysler Cover
1993 Allante
1981 Delorean
1979 Limited Edition & 1975 anniversary MGB's
1998 & 1986 Corvette's

posted 12-04-2001 09:03 AM                  

I just wanted to tell you that your two different versions of the chip work pretty good. I have found something that helps with the kick though - You might want to try a spin off of it. It is made by Harry & David and is an artichoke/jalapeno application gel. It really helps