posted 04-02-2004 10:36 AM         

> Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of
> our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to
> install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:
>
> Thank you for calling heaven.
>
> For English press 1
>
> For Spanish press 2
>
> For all other languages, press 3
>
> Please select one of the following options:
>
> Press 1 for request
>
> Press 2 for thanksgiving
>
> Press 3 for complaints
>
> Press 4 for all others
>
>
> I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right
> now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the
> order it was received. Please stay on the line.
> If you would like to speak to:
>
> God, press 1
>
> Jesus, press 2
>
> Holy spirit, press 3
>
> To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter
> his social security # followed by the pound sign.
>
> (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code
666)
>

> For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3
> 16.
>

> For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets,
> please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.
>

> Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please
> hang up and call again tomorrow.
>

> The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.
>