posted 12-06-2001 10:20 AM         

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Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send you a book so you can
learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At
least HE can spell!
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's having a lot of fun. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up
that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum a kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis"; nowadays? I bet you're gay.
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
- Santa

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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a
sweater again.
- Santa

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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself; "Marky", that's why you're getting your *** whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. I get in like all the burglars do, through your
bedroom window.
- Santa