posted 11-08-2004 09:20 AM         

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick
from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a
wet dog on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaida in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with
calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they
contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my
kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since
I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who
is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for
me! I will now return the favor.

If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00
pm this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.

posted 11-08-2004 11:00 AM         

This is one agree with.