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Off Topic WHAT A SHOCK !!! (Page 2) UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone!
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This topic is 2 pages long: 1 2 This topic was originally posted in this forum: Tires, Rims Discusssion |
Author | Topic: WHAT A SHOCK !!! |
larrypen Prowler Junkie Posts: 220 |
posted 10-05-2004 04:39 PM
Dear Friends, My wife Robyn is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future. So here goes. Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for Robyn. The occasion was our 14th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinking' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to Robyn what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Robyn to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time. So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in Another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no fringing' way!" Fringing' way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to Say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it.(Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya just hate that?) I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
------------------ Larry Pennington |
Wayne Finch Prowler Junkie Posts: 4011 |
posted 10-05-2004 04:44 PM
This message has been edited by Wayne Finch on 10-05-2004 at 04:47 PM |
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 |
posted 10-05-2004 04:59 PM
....Hey Butthead, heh heh, heh heh, what a dumba$$, heh heh, heh heh..... .....Uhhhhh Beavis, there's a lesson to be learned here somewhere, heh heh....... ....like, uhhhhhhh, yeah, like he shoulda tried it on the cat FIRST heh heh, heh heh......
This message has been edited by tangled up in BLUE on 10-05-2004 at 04:59 PM |
halicat unregistered Posts: 11086 |
posted 10-05-2004 05:01 PM
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jan bruggeman unregistered Posts: 11086 |
posted 10-05-2004 06:47 PM
only you could do that,could you one more time and make sure to have a video camera going at the time please.we all need a good laugh.maybe one to many jumps. ------------------ |
butchcee Prowler Junkie Posts: 7476 |
posted 10-05-2004 07:11 PM
plagiarism--20 lashes for you Larry!! http://www.bikeforums.net/archive/index.php/t-58348 http://board.jokaroo.com/showthread.php?t=27498 http://p087.ezboard.com/fnhsledingfrm14.showMessage?topicID=748.topic http://swords-of-erisa.tripod.com/erisa/index.blog?topic_id=10139 looks like lots of people liked this story |
Larry Lord Prowler Junkie Posts: 3709 |
posted 10-05-2004 07:22 PM
Larry, Shame on you. I thought I'd read that before somewhere but I'll admit that I was laughing so hard I was crying. After hearing all about you from Alley Cat I had no doubt that you were completely capable of such a thing. |
SuperKat Prowler Junkie Posts: 2221 |
posted 10-05-2004 08:58 PM
I read this on a football chat room recently. Very foolish if it's true. Gordon |
Wil C. Keener Prowler Junkie Posts: 297 |
posted 10-05-2004 09:44 PM
THAT'S THE BEST ONE YET !!!!!!!!!!!! Still howling !!!!! |
CTProwler Prowler Junkie Posts: 3915 |
posted 10-05-2004 09:53 PM
I can't believe you did that!!! I won't even let my pet fence's dog collar's sting me!!! My 4 stupid taco bell dogs run for cover!!!!thats enough for me. ------------------ This message has been edited by CTProwler on 10-05-2004 at 09:54 PM |
larrypen Prowler Junkie Posts: 220 |
posted 10-05-2004 10:02 PM
Only the names were changed to protect the stupid... He-He....Who loves ya Baby!!!! Uncle Larry |
Bob Hacker Prowler Junkie Posts: 1446 |
posted 10-06-2004 07:27 AM
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dpena Administrating Kat Posts: 5359 |
posted 10-06-2004 01:36 PM
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