posted 09-04-2004 05:15 PM         

Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will
accept a maximum of eight participants each.

Sign up early and get a discount on registration.

1. HOW TO FILL ICE-CUBE TRAYS. Step by step with
slide presentation.

2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion.

3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.

4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY
INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among panel of experts.

5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT
OTHER.
Help line and support groups.

6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH
LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN
WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.

7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
PowerPoint presentation.
8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST. Real-life testimonial from
the one man who did.

9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS
SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation.

10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR
WIFE.
Online class and role-playing.

11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND
CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Bring your calendar or PDA to class.

13. GETTING OVER IT: LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING
WRONG ALL THE TIME.
Individual counselors available

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Current mods: Mopar dual exhaust & front mudflaps; MacMotorsports Air Intake;
Real Rod Air Patrol; Graphics by Balistek Designs; ($8) Chrome grille; Chrome
tire valve-stem covers; Painted rear bumper lettering; Prowler Pro Gears; Synthetic
Oil; Raybestos Ceramic Brake Pads; TGF Door Panel Inserts & Headrest Covers;
SheepskinExpress Sheepskin Seatcovers; Grille Light; Pinstriping by Bo Boring;
Painted Valve Cover; Window Tinting; Windshield Visor Banner; Front Bumper
Removal / Relocation of Front Turn Signal Lights; Real Rod Transmission Cooler
Cover, Sill and Carpet Covers, Aero Front Covers and Roadster Rear Pan, rear
bumpers removed; rear mudflaps; painted calipers; Prowler Products by Gary
Drilled Rotors, front and rear; Painted tach; Jay's Aluminum Billet Center Caps
w/shimmers, Chrome Lugnuts and Chrome Radio Bezel Shimmer; Dash Rings;
Windshield Wiper Arm Removal; Fender Trim; Speaker Replacement; Painted
Plenum; Painted Radiator Crossmember; Painted Rear Mudflaps; Air Patrol
graphics; Aluminum engine compartment support bars; PlasmaGlow 7-color LED
Underbody Kit; Dash Designs Dash Mat; and Airbrushed Rear Trim Panel.

More 'Pumpkin' photos . . . . . More cars and other stuff

New pictures in Personal Scrapbook (02/23/03)

"I may have to grow older, but I do not have to grow up!"

posted 09-04-2004 11:26 PM         

2. TOILET PAPER: DOES IT GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
There's something growing on the holder. I hope it's toilet paper.

3. DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY BASKET AND THE FLOOR.
I just cut a hole in my floor and once a week rake everything into it. I think it then falls into the washing machine 'cause it always ends up back in my closet all clean.

4. THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
I think that is a trick question! Why on earth would anyone put plasticware in the sink or the dishwasher!

5. LOSS OF VIRILITY: LOSING THE REMOTE CONTROL TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
This only happened once. If she takes away my remote, I hide HER toys.

6. LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Cussing works too.

7. HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
This is not true! I bought the wife flowers for Mothers Day and she screamed, "I'm not your mother!" and hit me over the head with the flowers. (Men, do yourself a favor. If you try this, get flowers without thorns!)

8. REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real men don't get lost. They just take the scenic route.

9. IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
I let her park her Yugo any way she wants to. She doesn't drive my Bently. I don't want to lose the "ly".

10. LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE.
I know this one! Your mother changes your diapers when you're young, and your wife changes them when you're old.

11. HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
She knows I never carry money with me. Before we go shopping, I remove the money from her purse and put it in another one in the closet. There's never an arguement that way.

12. REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
This one is easy. Her birthday is on Christmas. We got married on that day. With just one gift, (NOT flowers) I cover all 3 occasions.
As for being late, that just doesn't happen. She never lets me go anywhere. (I have no idea why.)

13. GETTING OVER IT: LEARNING TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME.
I sent my wife to the councellor for this one.

14. SEX AFTER MARRIAGE: Myth or Fiction?
Definitely fiction. Well, it also depends on what your neighbor looks like.