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Purse-sized Tazer Gun... (Page 2)
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Purse-sized Tazer Gun... (Page 2)
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| This topic is 2 pages long: 1 2 This topic was originally posted in this forum: Tires, Rims Discusssion |
| Author | Topic: Purse-sized Tazer Gun... |
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Jim C Prowler Junkie Posts: 537 |
posted 08-27-2004 08:04 AM
>The following message is from Tom "The Terminator" Edmonds. Term and I >served in Vietnam together. I think that Term is in his mid 60's. I'm >glad that he is finally showing some restraint in his old age. > > > >Mark > > > > > > > >Dear Friends, > >My wife Toni is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be >something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I have >outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story >chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future. Here goes. > >Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my >fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought >something really cool for Toni. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and >I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. > >What I came cross was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a >clip.. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a >less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate >an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while >you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no >long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time >to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed >assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, >goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've >never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing >out--way too cool! > >Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two >triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was >so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' >directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would >not create an arc between the prongs. > >How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed >the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get >the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that >I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arc of >electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yippee . . I'm easily amused, just for >your information, but I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is >on the face of her microwave. > >Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it >couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. > >There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting >little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and >thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood >target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a >second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all. >But, if I was going to give this thing to Toni to protect herself against >a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. > >Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the >time. > >So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses >perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer >in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and >disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle >spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would >purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of >water. > >All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, >less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with >two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' >way!" > >Friggin' way--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. > >What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. >Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what >followed. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked >to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second >burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, >rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided >to give myself one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, >a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious >that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right >at the time. Don't ya hate that?) > >I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY >**************! > >DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the >front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the >carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the >fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking >wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Gracie >was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, >licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it >again!" > >(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note >of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap >yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged >from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're >lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like >yours truly.) > >SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time >was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I >had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on >the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right >thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been >shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an >ounce or two, I'm pretty sure. > >By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm >offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome >if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back. |
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idive Prowler Junkie Posts: 8483 |
posted 08-27-2004 11:16 PM
TOO FUNNY!!  It brought back visions of when my brother bought one for his wife for Christmas a few years back. (That one shot a lightning bolt without the help of a microwave.) He too decided he had to find out how it worked. Being a multiple degree black belt in a variety of the martial arts, he thought he would be pretty hard to bring down. Not knowing what it would do for sure, he had his wife "quickly" hit him with it on his thigh. (He was wearing pants.) Well, she swung the thing into him and tagged his zipper. (Not really, but it makes for drama here. She actually got him in the leg.) The whole family burst out laughing when he fell on the floor with the biggest shocked look on his face... (yea, pun intended) He was surprised that it was so strong with just a small tap. (She barely hit him with it, being the loving wife she is.) She jumped almost as high as he did, it scared her so much. She thought she was really in trouble (she isn't the brightest bulb in the socket). After about 5 minutes on the floor rubbing his leg, he got up, still rubbing his leg, and felt that she didn't hit him with it like she would a real attacker and told her to really go for it this time. (He's a glutton for punishment.) We all stood around the two of them in a semi-circle laughing our a$$es off in anticipation, and she hadn't even given him the 2nd jolt yet. He braced himself, readied his stance, and told her to go for it. Well, she reared back and pushed that thing into his leg like she was stabbing him with a knife! The roar of laughter was almost loud enough to drown out his screaming as he hit the floor. He couldn't get up for about 15 minutes, and when he finally could, it was with a limp. 30 minutes after that he said his leg was still twitching. And we were still laughing...Women get a charge out of seeing that kind of thing. My ex would call her daughter over to watch as I fixed, and then checked, the electric fence every time it broke. (Hey, ya gotta make sure it works don't ya?) I think that sometimes she even went out and broke the wire herself just to see a show. I bought it to keep the neighbor dogs from digging under the fence. My dog wasn't a digger. It was made to keep cattle from getting out. I got where I almost liked fixing the electric fence after a couple years... |
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Steve Conley Prowler Junkie Posts: 192 |
posted 08-28-2004 05:36 PM
Another thing you shouldn't't do, is while replacing the push button spark ignitor on the gas B.B.Q. Adjusting the gap on the electrode with your left hand, DO NOT push the button with your right hand. Fortunately I am right handed and didn't need the left hand anyway. |
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1buddyc Prowler Junkie Posts: 2935 |
posted 08-28-2004 06:18 PM
Jim, Mickey and Steve- Reminds me about the time some years ago I was doing a final tune on my Reher-Morrison equipped Big Block Vette before going to the dragstrip. Had just installed a MSD-7AL ignition and was going to check the timing. Hooked up my old Induction timing light in the usual way and fired the motor. The last thing I remember was pulling the trigger button on the timing light, then waking up on the floor of the garage about two car lengths from the Vette curled up in that fetal position. Dont know how long I was out and never told my wife. Did buy a new timing light from MSD for their ignition system after that experience though.... Buddy  ------------------ |
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