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How to Poop at Work (Page 2)
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ProwlerOnline, Plymouth/Chrysler Prowler Discussion Forum
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How to Poop at Work (Page 2)
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| This topic is 2 pages long: 1 2 This topic was originally posted in this forum: Tires, Rims Discusssion |
| Author | Topic: How to Poop at Work |
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01Prowler Prowler Junkie Posts: 5068 |
posted 01-24-2006 10:33 AM
>We've all been there but don't like to admit it. >We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something >brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, >the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, the >following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. > >CROP DUSTING >When farting, you walk briskly around the office so >the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but >doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not >stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to >make sure the smell has left your pants. > >FLY BY >The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in >and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave >and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People >may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the >bathroom. > >ESCAPEE >A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a >poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of >embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. >Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in >the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is >uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both >parties feel uneasy. > >JAILBREAK >When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine >gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If >this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone >has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just >occurred. > >COURTESY FLUSH >The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop >hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to >stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the >WALK OF SHAME. > >WALK OF SHAME >Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after >you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable >moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to >pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of >the COURTESY FLUSH. > >OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER >A colleague who poops at work and is damn >proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the >bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look >around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the >bathroom. > >THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) >A group of co-workers who band >together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This >group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet >Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. > >SAFE HAVENS >A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where >you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the >opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex >entering the bathroom. > >TURD BURGLAR >Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall >and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and >vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this >occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you >will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. > >CAMO-COUGH >A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the >bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a >WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when >used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. > >ASTAIRE >A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd >Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt >that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom >immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. > >WATERMELON >A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This >is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, >create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. > >HAVANA OMELET >A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud >splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try >using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. > >UNCLE TED >A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend >extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. >An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, you >should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits >you as well as the other bathroom attendees. > |
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chasmccart Prowler Junkie Posts: 611 |
posted 01-24-2006 02:48 PM
Looks like you have way to much free time at work. |
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halicat unregistered Posts: 611 |
posted 01-24-2006 04:36 PM
The best thread ever !!!!! last time I initiated a toilet humor thred ... no one would admit they used the potty...
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Fat Pat Prowler Junkie Posts: 1242 |
posted 01-24-2006 04:41 PM
AC DOESN'T use it...thats why he has that crappy look! |
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Snoman unregistered Posts: 1242 |
posted 01-24-2006 08:29 PM
quote: Pat we all know he uses a litter box!!!!!!!LOL |
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ALLEY CAT Prowler Junkie Posts: 36093 |
posted 01-24-2006 08:41 PM
I see the Viper forum kicked the Lard As$ off their board again, lol. You know more about crap than anyone I've ever known! See my headphones? I tuned you out long ago. |
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Bob Miller Prowler Junkie Posts: 4576 |
posted 01-24-2006 09:14 PM
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wuzzzer Prowler Junkie Posts: 466 |
posted 01-24-2006 09:24 PM
I think I'm the Camo-Cough expert |
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Bob Miller Prowler Junkie Posts: 4576 |
posted 01-24-2006 09:49 PM
I've perfected the one-cheek-sneak. |
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ALLEY CAT Prowler Junkie Posts: 36093 |
posted 01-24-2006 10:03 PM
I'm guessing Halicat 'falls' into the HAVANA OMELET breed,,,,,,while Snoman looks like the WALK OF SHAME type
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halicat unregistered Posts: 36093 |
posted 01-25-2006 04:27 AM
and your the turd burglar...  |
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01Prowler Prowler Junkie Posts: 5068 |
posted 01-25-2006 06:27 AM
Funny you bring up Turd Burglar... I for some reason had a different definition of that in my mind before reading that. I always thought it was a guy who liked a guys. |
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ALLEY CAT Prowler Junkie Posts: 36093 |
posted 01-25-2006 06:37 AM
quote: Jimbo - I resent that classification. I don't try to push open the door on anyone,,,,,,,I just throw wet paper towels over the stall door at the person trying to launch! Really gets their butt moving! Incoming!!! |
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Bob Miller Prowler Junkie Posts: 4576 |
posted 01-25-2006 07:41 AM
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01Prowler Prowler Junkie Posts: 5068 |
posted 01-25-2006 08:23 AM
quote:
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halicat unregistered Posts: 5068 |
posted 01-25-2006 06:47 PM
quote:
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SirReal Prowler Junkie Posts: 3332 |
posted 01-25-2006 07:38 PM
Wow I've never had the appropriate place to share this story but it proves there is a time and place for everything.lol....After eating at McDonalds(the best man made laxative in the world) I was on a hurried journey to 'The Stall'. Now mind you most stall doors open outward and there is a reason for this and believe it became mandatory after this incident. I swear I didn't see any feet under the door (hurried is the key word here). I hastily pushed the door in and it stopped abruptly with a door against a head kinda of thud, followed by a painful sounding moan. I stopped dead in my tracks and no longer had to go. Apparently this guy had eaten at McDonalds also and I guess he was bent over pretty far with his head closest to the door. After the painful moans the cursing began and it included violating my domestic tranquility. I walked backward out of the restroom quickly before he had a chance to finish his paperwork. Now I just use the drive-thru when visiting the golden arches. |
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tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 |
posted 01-25-2006 07:42 PM
quote:
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SirReal Prowler Junkie Posts: 3332 |
posted 01-25-2006 07:43 PM
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ALLEY CAT Prowler Junkie Posts: 36093 |
posted 01-25-2006 08:10 PM
quote:
My guts hurt from laughing so hard, lol. Tangled - you'r killing me! |
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tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 |
posted 01-25-2006 08:21 PM
quote: apparently, you are easily entertained |
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ALLEY CAT Prowler Junkie Posts: 36093 |
posted 01-25-2006 08:49 PM
It was the visual of YOU,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,lol. I know you don't use McDonald's napkins,,,,,you prefer the one-ply tp, so your finger goes through the sheets and you can claim your daily piece of a@& |
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tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 |
posted 01-25-2006 08:51 PM
quote:
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| This topic is 2 pages long: 1 2 All times are CT (US) | This is an ARCHIVED topic. You may not reply to it! |
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