posted 01-12-2006 12:54 PM         

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says, "I've lost my electron,"
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their
recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. "But why?" they asked.
"Because", said the manager, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture
of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men
of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers
to close down, but they would not. He went back and
begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade
them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent florist friars.