posted 07-27-2005 11:35 PM         

Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among

us. Here then, are the glorious winners.

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his

intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California,

would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only

inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the

trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the

honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a

meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around,

submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company

expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look

for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The

chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for

his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his

Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably,

he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean

bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed

to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not

wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a

nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free

ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental

hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very

excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception

wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from

serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When

asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that

he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head

to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on

the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the

cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash

in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man

took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill

on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the

drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you

money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He

decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor

store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the

cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The

cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the

head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was

made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store,

a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911

immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed

description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police

apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove

back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car

and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he

replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole

the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man

walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m.,

flashed a gun,demanded cash. The clerk turned him down

because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a

food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said

they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated,

walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor

home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he

bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very

sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to

steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor

home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle

declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh

he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these

with your friends and family ... unless of course one of

these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long

lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope