posted 07-16-2005 06:04 AM         

quote:

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There were 11 or 12 of them. lol

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posted 07-16-2005 07:58 AM         

almost all of Alley Cats posts were about where to get, and how to use Viagra and other like products(he had 36 posts about Prowlers)...

Martys posts were mainly asking about and ordering Prowler mods..

and most of CJs posts were setting up events and explaining how to turn left in Detroit...


all of the posts by the 'Lucid Eye' are informative and 100% Prowler business, the Lucid Eye has high editorial ethics and most certainly will not stoop to such mundane questions of the day such as 'hair care' and 'boner meds'....

posted 07-16-2005 08:59 PM         

quote:

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Originally posted by Fat Pat:
Doesn't surprise me a bit that you guys are the "top posters" You need to GET A LIFE Ed!!!LOL

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AMEN! lol

posted 07-17-2005 07:42 AM         

quote:

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Originally posted by Lone Ranger:
AMEN! lol

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quote:

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Originally posted by WildCat:

IF they got a life what would we have to read?

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important stuff...

well maybe not important... just usefull stuff...

posted 07-17-2005 08:17 AM         

Maybe for the whole week?

Give Your Marriage a Big Pick-Me-Up

Things to Add: 1-6

1. The high five
Think of yourself as your spouse's cheerleader. Being positive about your guy's achievements -- from his job promotion to a great golf score, from his knack for wallpapering the hallway to coaching Little League -- as a means of keeping you close.

Why it matters: According to a UCLA study, how you react when something positive happens to your spouse is as important to him as how you respond when something negative crops up. We take for granted that our spouse knows we're proud of him or pleased for him, but it's important for him to hear you actually say it. By celebrating his victories, big and small, you actually increase his enjoyment of the accomplishment.

How to do it: What really gives you great-wife points is how you praise him. First, listen carefully to his entire recitation of the events, nodding and smiling only. Once he's done, rejoice -- and don't mention any potential downside, such as, "Glad you got a new job, but it means working for a jerk." Say directly, "I'm very happy for you" or "I'm proud of you," advises Susan Page, relationship expert and author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together. Don't cut short his glow to discuss your day. He's more likely to return the favor and give you the praise you want later if you make it your mission to be supportive of him at that moment.

2. The collection of framed photos
Happy or romantic pictures around your home of the two of you are daily reminders of your fun shared history. They trigger positive feelings in both of you -- whether you're having a great or a grumpy day.

Why it matters: Being able to visualize what you want in a married relationship is the first important step to getting it, explains Page. And here's a corollary to that: Being able to see proof of your bond is key to keeping it. "Having such images present reminds you two that good times can continue ahead," Page says.

How to do it: Kick the good-emotions meter up a notch by framing pics from different periods in your relationship -- dating, wedding, vacations, pregnancy, anniversaries -- that will emphasize the length and scope of your union. And don't relegate photos to just one or two rooms -- spread them throughout your home. Finally, rotate or change them from time to time to guard against the "I stopped noticing them because they've been there so long" phenomenon.

3. The friends with a hot marriage
Great marriages can take other relationships to new heights -- and in a way that you might not realize at first.

Why it matters: Most people assume that happily married pals are the biggest boon to you because they can offer helpful relationship advice. But that's only a small part of their value, says Carol Ummel Lindquist, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Happily Married with Kids: It's Not Just a Fairytale. Their biggest impact on your marriage is that their energy for each other, their buzz of happiness, is contagious. Enter their aura and you become a closer couple by association.

How to do it: Too often, married couples, especially those busy with young children, tend to cocoon themselves and stop regularly socializing with friends. Even though it seems at times an insurmountable effort to wrangle an evening babysitter and go on a double date, doing so can give new zest to your marriage. But don't just get together for dinners; see each other in different settings -- at a picnic, an amusement park, a ball game or a concert.

4. The dates you both look forward to
We all know that married date nights help keep a busy couple connected. But that benefit is maximized if both of you are thrilled by the plans.

Why it matters: According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family (of the National Council on Family Relations), a couple's choice of dating activities affects their marital happiness. Too often, a wife acquiesces to what her husband wants to do on a date. The research shows that wives, while not speaking up, resented this and were dissatisfied with the relationship over time.

Having fun together inspires a couple to continue the good times, says Lindquist. "A husband and wife who go on dates that please both of them have fewer fights. That's because if you're having a problem, you'll say to yourself, 'This is the same person I had a blast with on Saturday night.' You'll be more motivated to work it out."

How to do it: Curl up next to him on the sofa and ask, "What do you like to do most when we go out?" Then tell him what you enjoy best. If you two can't agree (he seems to be all sports all the time; you love museums and galleries), then open yourselves up to new diversions. For example, visit a museum show about baseball (to combine your interests) or sign up for a class together. Perhaps you both like wine or music. Enrolling in a course in those subjects can fuel shared passions.

5. The in-the-sack surprise
If you occasionally amaze him -- and yourself -- in bed, your sex life will be more exciting, of course. But here's the biggest bonus: You two will also stay closer emotionally.

Why it matters: "Taking the leap to occasionally do something different in bed automatically makes you feel more alive," says Rhonda Britten, a life coach on NBC's Starting Over and author of Change Your Life in 30 Days. Anything that will make him pause and think, "Whoa, I wasn't expecting this nice surprise from her," will keep him intrigued by the idea that you've been figuring out ways to wow him. And that will keep you more fascinating to him.

How to do it: Start with small additions -- a new time of day or place, satin sheets, out-of-the-ordinary lingerie, background music, a full-length wall mirror or even reading him passages from an erotic novel.

6. Transportation

Enjoy more time in your Prowler.

Things to Subtract: 1-6

1. The eye roll
When you don't like what your husband says or how he's saying it, do you sometimes protest by rolling your eyes? This nonverbal insult, research reveals, can cause as much ill will in a marriage as calling him a name or putting him down in front of others.

What it means: The eye-roll study comes from John Gottman, Ph.D., cofounder of the Gottman Institute and professor emeritus at the University of Washington in Seattle, whose research on married couples indicated that this optical maneuver is a prime clue that a marriage is in trouble. "Rolling one's eyes is a way people vent frustration without verbalizing their feelings," adds Page. This is passive-aggressive behavior: You're upset about what your spouse is saying, and yet you're not telling him specifically why it bothers you. So he has no guideline to improve his actions, but nevertheless feels insulted. Bottom line? You've just boosted the hostility between you.

How to do it: First, figure out what specifically he's doing that rubs you the wrong way, advises Page. If his communication style isn't meant to belittle you but is simply irritating -- for example, he's developed a habit of repeating his points -- remind yourself that a big part of loving a person is accepting him, warts and all. You might talk with him during a less stressful time (and when you're not in public) about how his repetition frustrates you. Then temper your frustration by telling yourself: "He's doing the best he can at expressing himself right now," and reminding yourself, "I'm not a perfect communicator either," suggests Page. But if you feel that his intention is to put you in your place -- for example, he's lecturing you -- more direct action is necessary. Say, "I feel as though I'm a child being lectured. This makes me feel like you don't respect me." This may not be easy to do, but it will open a window to work through the problem -- and to feel closer after you do. In either case, deal with the issue head-on, and shelve the eye roll.

2. The "wait, the kids need me" blow-off
If "Mommy, Mommy!" causes you to do a constant head swivel away from your husband, you cater to your children too much. And odds are he'll grow resentful.

What it means: "Your high parenting standards have led to too-low marital standards," explains Lindquist. Being available to your children all the time puts your marriage on a back burner. This may also be a sign that you could use some tips on how to manage clamoring kids (you may even feel overwhelmed by motherhood's demands). You give your husband short shrift (he'll understand, you've convinced yourself). "But if he feels that you're rarely excited to see him and that your attention can easily be diverted away from him, eventually he may stop reaching out," warns Lindquist.

How to do it: When you don't have enough time to verbally connect, it's more important than ever to physically connect. Warm up your hellos and good-byes with a kiss. At the noisy dinner table, snuggle your toes next to his or place your hand on his arm. Sometimes you may not be able to fit in asking about his day until just before bed. That's okay, too. Set guidelines for your post-toddler-age children -- and yourself. Kids learn to follow rules and to control their behavior if adults are clear about their expectations and always follow through. Unless it's an emergency (spell out for the kids exactly what constitutes an emergency), they are not to interrupt when adults are talking. Say, "I'm sharing my thoughts with your daddy and that's very important." The five-minute rule is a sanity saver. If they want your help (and it's not an emergency), your kids need to go into another room and sing the ABC song five times (or invent some other diversion that your child will understand). Your spouse should also help retrain your children, says Lindquist, by reminding them not to interrupt. A few quiet pockets of 10 or so minutes a day together can be a big boost for parents to reconnect. This, in the long run, will also teach your child about patience and delayed gratification.

3. The style rut
Do you practically yawn with boredom every time you get dressed, pulling on the same jeans and tees? Or has your hair had the same no-fuss cut for years? As long as you're in that rut, you'll bring less passion to your marriage than if you took more joy in your appearance.

What it means: Your reason for staying too long with the same look may seem, well, reasonable. Perhaps you've put off purchasing clothes until you lose weight. Or you feel extra money should go toward family expenses, not new clothes for you -- trendy things come and go. The style you've been living with is one that you've grown accustomed to and striking out with something altogether different can be scary. These attitudes keep you from taking better care of yourself, which would make you more attractive to your man, says Britten.

How to do it: Keep changes small at first. Try hip accessories, particularly if you're feeling mommy-stodgy: earrings, a new lipstick, a bag or eyeglass frames. If you've gained weight, showcase your extra cleavage with V-necks; have fun with it. If your closet is full of "safe" black clothes, add color with accessories or underwear. "When you wear colors, you have more energy," says Britten. "Plus, wearing colors says, 'I like to be noticed.' Ask a friend whose style you admire for tips on where to find items and how to wear them. Then, your husband will think, 'Maybe she's feeling more adventurous.'" And that may well give him some ideas.

4. The silent slink out of the room
This disappearing act doesn't preserve the peace when you're upset or he does something rude. Ultimately, it widens the gulf between you.

What it means: Maybe you don't feel free to disagree with your spouse because you were raised to be a people-pleaser. Or perhaps your parents argued nonstop (or not at all), so you have no model of how to do it civilly. It could also be that your guy gets nasty in his effort to win arguments and you feel intimidated. In any case, if you keep exiting stage left, he'll either grow resentful that you're not paying attention and follow you to make his point, or he'll withdraw too because you seem distant, says Lindquist. The problem you need to work on won't go away either.

How to do it: Since slinking away is not a solution, you've got to steady yourself to express your feelings in the moment. Take a deep breath, then remind yourself that all couples have conflicts. If you're not fuming, ask for a hug to reestablish a connection. Then say, "It's hard for me to have disagreements with you." Also consider reframing the problem as a mutual hurdle, instead of focusing on the you-versus-me differences. Tell him, "You see it one way. I see it another. Let's come up with a plan we can both be happy with." Adds Lindquist: "Guys like to problem-solve, as long as you don't label them as the problem."

Does he rattle you through intimidation? Tell him so -- at a quieter time. Say, "I think you're not hearing what I'm saying. What steps can we take so that I can get my point of view across?" Put it in his ball court to find a solution that gets your opinion up front.

If there's a problem that often crops up in your marriage, write in a private journal why you're hesitant to discuss it. You may be afraid he'll react badly and don't want to cause a fight. Also reflect on paper how you may be able to list your points more clearly and quickly. Spelling out insights this way can be an eye-opener. Mentally refer to this cheat sheet the next time you want to bolt for the door. It will steady you to focus on what's important.

Maybe you're just at a loss as to how a disagreement should be played out. Consider talking to a professional, who'll help you refine your communication skills, such as prefacing your statements with "I feel," and not blaming your spouse.

5. The "oh, no, that's not how it happened" public put-down
When your husband tells a story to family or friends, resist the urge to correct his version of events -- even if it isn't accurate from your point of view. Doing so will embarrass him.

What it means: "You may be the kind of person who prides herself on how much she knows, and correcting others is your way of showing off," says Page. Or, hey, you may feel that you're always right. But being right is a booby prize. You've won nothing by belittling him and creating bad feelings.

It's normal for spouses to gradually forget to be as polite to each other as they were when falling in love. But that's not okay. Ask yourself: Is this how I'd treat him if we were dating?

How to do it: Resist revising his anecdote by focusing on how eager he is to tell it. Watch his smile, his gestures. Keep in mind: How would I feel if he corrected me? Sometimes spouses jump in to tell a story just to be part of the action. If this sounds like you, get out your desire to contribute by adding statements like "That was so funny" or "It was such a surprise."