posted 07-05-2005 04:17 PM         

World History (read it and then think about it)

History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small
bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains
during the winter and would go to the coast to live on fish and lobster in
the summer.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization, and together
were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals & Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while
they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the
Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing,
fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
known as 'girleymen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives
provided.

Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
*******.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists, are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also
bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally, anyone
who works productively outside government.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work
for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the
Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

posted 07-06-2005 10:52 AM         

I love it!