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This topic was originally posted in this forum: Tires, Rims Discusssion
Author Topic:   Quotes
Bcoffman Gray Ghost
Prowler Junkie

Posts: 2418
From: Marshall,Mo.65340
Registered: DEC 2002

posted 05-01-2005 07:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bcoffman Gray Ghost     

> >Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
> have since been visited by her sister - and now wish to withdraw that
> statement. ~ Mark Twain
> >--------------------
> >
> >The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending;
> and to have the two as close together as possible. ~ George Burns
> >----------------
> >
> >Santa Claus has the right idea .. Visit people only once a year. ~
> Victor Borge
> >----------------
> >
> >Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
~
> Mark Twain
> >----------------
> >
> >What would men be without women? Scarce, sir; mighty scarce. ~
Mark
> Twain
> >---------------
> >
> >By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you
> get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
> > ~ Socrates
> >---------------
> >
> >I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
> > ~ Groucho Marx
> >---------------
> >
> >My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
> stops to breathe. ~ Jimmy Durante
> >---------------
> >
> >The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness,
> can be trained to do most things.
> > ~ Jilly Cooper
> >---------------
> >
> >I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~
> Zsa Zsa Gabor
> >---------------
> >
> >Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
> nothing. It was here first.
> > ~ MarkTwain
> >---------------
> >
> >My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
> ~ Ed Furgol
> >---------------
> >
> >Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form
> of misery. ~ Spike Milligan
> >---------------
> >
> >What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
> > ~ Henny Youngman
> >---------------
> >
> >I am opposed to millionaires ..... but it would be dangerous to offer me
> the position. ~ Mark Twain
> >---------------
> >
> >Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'.
> > ~ Joe Namath
> >---------------
> >
> >Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
> > ~ Herbert Henry Asquith
> >---------------
> >
> >I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for
> my nap. ~ Bob Hope
> >---------------
> >
> >A woman drove me to drink ... and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank
her.
> ~ W.C. Fields
> >---------------
> >
> >I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
> ~ W.C. Fields
> >---------------
> >
> >We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
> through Congress. ~ Will Rogers
> >---------------
> >
> >Don't worry about avoiding temptation ... As you grow older it avoids
you.
> ~ Winston Churchill
> >---------------
> >
> >Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But by then, everything else
> starts to wear out, fall out, or to spread out.
> > ~ Phyllis Diller
> >----------------
> >
> >The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ..... spit it out.
> >
>

lavka
Prowler Junkie

Posts: 884
From: Marble Falls, Texas
Registered: JUN 2001

posted 05-01-2005 10:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lavka     
Some of my favorites with a political slant:


"We are ready for any unforseen event that may or may not occur." -Al Gore


"Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25." -Sen. Mary Anne Tebedo (R-CO)


"I can't believe that we are going to let the majority of people decide what's best for this state." -Rep. John Travis (D-LA)


"I don't know anyone here that's been killed by a handgun." Rep. Avery Alexander (D-LA)

"What's a man got to do to get in the top fifty?" -President Bill Clinton, on a story ranking the Lewinsky scandal as the 53rd most significant story of the century.


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