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Author	Topic: Post your JOKES, stories, here
GenoTex Prowler Junkie Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-07-2005 05:46 PM Married life A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned in the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims. "Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!" After a moment of silence, he farted.
halicat unregistered Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-07-2005 05:52 PM she deserved it for teasing him
mike82 Prowler Junkie Posts: 305 From: claremore,ok usa Registered: JAN 2004	posted 02-07-2005 06:18 PM
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 06:26 PM Hannibal.... ...."I'm thinking, I'm thinking......wait, I've got one....a really good one too....no, thats not it...wait, wait....nooooooo.....maybe I'm just too confused right now".... ..."uhhhh, Okay, how about this"... ..."there once was a guy named Dave ....he killed three men in a cave, ....that night, before turning in ....he made lampshades outta their skin, ....and so went the story of Dave".... This message has been edited by tangled up in BLUE on 02-07-2005 at 09:27 PM
idive Prowler Junkie Posts: 8483 From: Texas USA Registered: APR 2003	posted 02-07-2005 07:26 PM I actually have 2 lamps with lampshades made of human skin.
halicat unregistered Posts: 8483 From: Texas USA Registered: APR 2003	posted 02-07-2005 07:28 PM i have 2 humans made from lamp shades... fun at parties
halicat unregistered Posts: 8483 From: Texas USA Registered: APR 2003	posted 02-07-2005 07:29 PM the father is a shower curtain.....
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 08:11 PM Originally posted by halicat: "the father is a shower curtain"........... ******************************************************** This message has been edited by tangled up in BLUE on 02-07-2005 at 08:12 PM
GenoTex Prowler Junkie Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-07-2005 10:13 PM A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then goes up into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells the wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years...I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." ............... .............. ............... ................ ............ ............... To which the wife responds: " He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!!"
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 10:19 PM Originally posted by GenoTex: He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. ********************************************************
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 10:25 PM Forrest... ..." My mama always said life is like a box of chocolates".... ......."yes sir, my mama was one crazy mixed up b1tch"...
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 10:32 PM ..."Whiskers, are you playing with your lunch again?"
GenoTex Prowler Junkie Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-07-2005 10:51 PM [QUOTE]Originally posted by tangled up in BLUE: [B]..."Whiskers, are you playing with your lunch again?" ***************************************
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 10:53 PM ...a typical workday for Geno.....helping little old ladies on the train....I snapped this picture just as he was helping Cookies mother board the 9:10, for all you Beatles fans, thats "the one after 9:09" ps...come on Geno....load and fire This message has been edited by tangled up in BLUE on 02-07-2005 at 10:54 PM
GenoTex Prowler Junkie Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-07-2005 10:54 PM
GenoTex Prowler Junkie Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-07-2005 10:55 PM the infamous Benny Hill... a legend YOU figure out where the right hand is! This message has been edited by GenoTex on 02-07-2005 at 11:03 PM
GenoTex Prowler Junkie Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-07-2005 11:01 PM
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 11:13 PM "Playtoon" centerfold...Feb 2005
GenoTex Prowler Junkie Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-07-2005 11:14 PM Early one morning the sun was shinin' I was layin' in bed Wonderin' if she'd changed at all If her hair was still red. Her folks they said that our lives together Sure was gonna be rough They never did like mama's homemade dress Papa's bankbook wasn't big enough An' i was standin' on the side of the road Rain fallin' on my shoes Heading out for the east coast Lord knows i've paid some dues, getting thru Tangled up in blue. She was married when we first met Soon to be divorced I helped her out of a jam i guess But i used a little too much force We drove that car as far as we could Abandoned it out west Split up on a dark sad night Both agreein' it was best. She turned around to look at me As i was walkin' away I heard her say over her shoulder "We'll meet again some day, on the avenue Tangled up in Blue''. I had a job in the great north woods Workin' as a cook for a spell But i never did like it all that much An' one day the ax just fell So i drifted down to New Orleans Where i's lucky to be employed Workin' for a while on a fishin' boat Right outside of Delacroix. But all the while i was alone The past was close behind I seen a lot of women But she never escaped my mind an' i just grew Tangled up in blue. She was workin' in a topless place An' i stopped in for a beer I just kept lookin' at the side of her face In the spotlight so clear An' later on when the crowd thinned out I's just about to do the same She was standin' there in back of my chair Said to me "Don't i know your name?'' I muttered somethin' underneath my breath She studdied the lines on my face I must admit i felt a little uneasy When she bent down to tie the laces of my shoe Tangled up in blue. She lit a burner on the stove An' offered me a pipe "I thought you'd never say hello'', she said "You look like the silent type'' Then she opened up a book of poems An' handed it to me Written by an Italian poet From the thirteenth century An' every one of them words rang true An' glowed like burning coal Pourin' off of every page Like it was written in my soul from me to you Tangled up in blue. I lived with them on Montague Street In a basement down the stairs There was music in the cafes at night An' revolution in the air Then he started dealin' with slaves An' something inside of 'em died She had to sell everything she owned An' froze up inside. An' when finally the bottom fell out I became withdrawn The only thing i knew how to do Was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew Tangled up in blue. So now i'm goin' back again I got to get to her somehow All the people we used to know They're an illusion to me now. Some are mathematicians Some are carpenters wives Don't know how it all got started I don't know what they're doin' with their lives. But me i'm still on the road Headin' for another joint We always did feel the same We just saw it from a different point of view Tangled up in blue
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 11:17 PM my favorite.... This message has been edited by tangled up in BLUE on 02-07-2005 at 11:19 PM
GenoTex Prowler Junkie Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-07-2005 11:19 PM This message has been edited by GenoTex on 02-08-2005 at 08:21 AM
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 11:23 PM ..."Geno, get a 12 pack and lets hit the road doll...I ain't gettin' any younger"
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-07-2005 11:25 PM "uhhh, think you used enough dynamite there Butch?" ps...time for Bonzo to go to bed, 11:am rolls around before you know it This message has been edited by tangled up in BLUE on 02-07-2005 at 11:27 PM
GenoTex Prowler Junkie Posts: 8492 From: Oakfield, WI, USA Registered: MAR 2002	posted 02-08-2005 07:42 AM whodat?
tangled up in BLUE Prowler Junkie Posts: 11086 From: New Castle, Ind Registered: DEC 2000	posted 02-08-2005 08:41 AM Ralph... .."I'm tellin' ya Norton, those are the same legs as Miss December Plaything...look at those legs, just look at 'em Norton !! " Norton... .."Uh, I dunno Ralphie, uhhhh, could ya move your thumb a little more to the left ?"