posted 01-01-2005 01:31 PM         

The following is an actual question given on my University of
Nebraska chemistry mid-term test in 1970. My answer was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why I now have the pleasure of sharing
it with you as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.

One student, Alley Cat, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Lethia
during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I
sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her
last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is
that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night,
Lethia kept shouting "Oh my God!!!."

posted 01-01-2005 02:58 PM         

...the internet was a little slower in 1970 too(Al Gore was still working out the high speed details)....that is why the essay is just now coming to light...
: :

Spock Fest....great term....

posted 01-01-2005 03:14 PM         

Besides, how do we know the Internet hasn't stolen AC's final? Gosh knows plenty have stolen the front end treatment...

posted 01-01-2005 03:37 PM         

I'm putting my lawyer, Al Bendover, on this case monday.

Al - plagiarize,,,,,I'll look up the meaning and get back to you, lol.

Bell - I didn't say it was on the internet in 1970,,,it just made it's way onto the internet recently. Lethia was 14 years old in 1970,,,,,,freshman in high school. Forgot to mention that, Maybe she was from Kentucky?

posted 01-02-2005 04:27 PM         

AC - If you find out Lethia is from KY she may be your first cousin!!

Just like Gore to try and steal something!

Happy New Year

posted 01-02-2005 05:33 PM         

Tangled - Careful about all that talk about Kentucky!
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OOOPS....no more turn one seats at Indy for me.....

Dale, hope 2005 is good for you and yours.....Happy New Year....

posted 01-02-2005 07:19 PM         

AC....while you're watching the race on a 13" black and white TV with aluminum foil hanging between the "rabbit ears" and a big ole prickley cactus in your yard ....I'll be sittting next to the Hulman family with "Hooters" girls

bringing me free alcoholic beverages all afternoon.....I use one seat and Cookie uses the other 3(two for her most ample rear, and one seat for snax)....

....ps....Dale, you might notice several of the seats sit a little lower this year :