posted 10-23-2002 07:25 PM         

What's the best form of birth control after 50?

Nudity

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
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What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
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Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.
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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has
the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18
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Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.
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How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
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Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single
guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
Her navel.
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What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
Bingo machine.
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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
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Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A speech impediment.
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
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Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the
cage, along with a recipe.
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What's the Cuban National Anthem?
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What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern> fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern
fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this **** ."
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Current mods: Mopar dual exhaust & front mudflaps; MacMotorsports Air Intake;
Real Rod Air Patrol; Graphics by Balistek Designs; ($8) Chrome grille; Chrome
tire valve-stem covers; Painted rear bumper lettering; Prowler Pro Gears; Synthetic
Oil; Raybestos Ceramic Brake Pads; TGF Door Panel Inserts & Headrest Covers;
SheepskinExpress Sheepskin Seatcovers; Grille Light; Pinstriping by Bo Boring;
Painted Valve Cover; Window Tinting; Windshield Visor Banner; Front Bumper
Removal / Relocation of Front Turn Signal Lights; and in-progress: Powder Coating
Parts under the hood.
More 'Pumpkin' photos . . . . . More cars and other stuff