One of my favorite lines:

posted 10-05-2004 09:04 PM         

2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

4. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

5. I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox; the cat kept covering me up.

6. I'm so ugly. My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

7. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

8. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

9. I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

10. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror. I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

11. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

12. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

posted 10-05-2004 09:43 PM         

"I was so ugly when I was born,,,,the doctor slapped my mother!"

"Yeah I have a dog,,,,his name is Egypt We named him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in ever room!"

posted 10-05-2004 09:47 PM         

My favorite:

quote:

---

Originally posted by ALLEY CAT:
I heard it was Rodney that discovered the talents of Sam Kinison,,,and launched him forward in the BACK TO SCHOOL movie. Sam was one of my all time favorites,,,RIP

---

You are correct Sir.

Sam was a standup at the comedy workshop in houston. Every Wednesday was standup night. If you had the guts, they gave you the mike. Sam was a regular and we'd see him weekly for free.

Rodney was in town doing a show and stopped by at the comedy workshop and saw Sam's bit and said he had to have him in his movie.

What most folks don't know is that Sam came from a revivalist preaching family and Sam was a preacher from time to time before and during his starving standup days.

When Sam and 2-3 other comics went out to L.A., they drove and did revivals all the way out there for cash.

Two talents sorely missed.....