posted 09-29-2004 10:00 AM         

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance
committee
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because
none of
the members knows how to play one.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people ask, when
they
learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
catfish,
and what bait was used to catch 'em.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... when the pastor
says,
"I'd
like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two
women
stand up.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... opening day of deer
season
is recognized as an official church holiday.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the
church
requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't
never
been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir is known
as
the
"OK Chorale".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... in a congregation of
500
members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred
to as
"branding".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... high notes on the
organ
set the dogs on the floor to howling.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people think
"rapture" is
what you get when you lift something too heavy.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool
is
a #2
galvanized washtub.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir robes
were
donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's
Barbecue.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the collection
plates
are
really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... instead of a bell,
you are
called to service by a duck call.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the minister and
his
wife
drive matching pickup trucks.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the communion wine
is
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not
covet"
applies to hunting dogs, too.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the final words of
the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear!"

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Current mods: Mopar dual exhaust & front mudflaps; MacMotorsports Air Intake;
Real Rod Air Patrol; Graphics by Balistek Designs; ($8) Chrome grille; Chrome
tire valve-stem covers; Painted rear bumper lettering; Prowler Pro Gears; Synthetic
Oil; Raybestos Ceramic Brake Pads; TGF Door Panel Inserts & Headrest Covers;
SheepskinExpress Sheepskin Seatcovers; Grille Light; Pinstriping by Bo Boring;
Painted Valve Cover; Window Tinting; Windshield Visor Banner; Front Bumper
Removal / Relocation of Front Turn Signal Lights; Real Rod Transmission Cooler
Cover, Sill and Carpet Covers, Aero Front Covers and Roadster Rear Pan, rear
bumpers removed; rear mudflaps; painted calipers; Prowler Products by Gary
Drilled Rotors, front and rear; Painted tach; Jay's Aluminum Billet Center Caps
w/shimmers, Chrome Lugnuts and Chrome Radio Bezel Shimmer; Dash Rings;
Windshield Wiper Arm Removal; Fender Trim; Speaker Replacement; Painted
Plenum; Painted Radiator Crossmember; Painted Rear Mudflaps; Air Patrol
graphics; Aluminum engine compartment support bars; PlasmaGlow 7-color LED
Underbody Kit; Dash Designs Dash Mat; Airbrushed Rear Trim Panel and Painted
Headlight Caps.

More 'Pumpkin' photos . . . . . More cars and other stuff

New pictures in Personal Scrapbook (02/23/03)

"I may have to grow older, but I do not have to grow up!"