posted 07-26-2004 03:58 PM         

Subject: A Brief Guide to American Newspapers

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run
the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do,however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -
if they could find the time - and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run
the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure
who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is
running the country as long as those people do something really
scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need
the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure
there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but if so, they
oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if
the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who
also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy
provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. The Seattle Times is read by people who would run the country, if it could be done in a kayak or on a mountain trail bike.

13. The Minneapolis Star Tribune is read by people who are wondering why the Editorial Staff only went to grade school.