posted 05-29-2004 01:30 AM         

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the
check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my
delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into
the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

*******************************************

In most of the Canadian Provinces, there is a policy of checking on
any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop in the
single digits or below. One morning in March 2004 about 3AM, RCMP
Constable Bill Wisen was awakened to respond to such a call of a car off the
shoulder on the Trans Canada Highway outside of Medicine Hat, Alberta.

Constable Wisen located the car still running, stuck in deep snow alongside
the highway. Pulling in behind it with his emergency lights on. Constable
Wisen walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind
the wheel and a near empty bottle of vodka in the seat.

He tapped on the window and the driver woke up, seeing the rotating lights
in his rear view mirror and the RCMP Constable standing next to his car
The man panicked, and he jerked the gearshift into drive and hit the
gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 then 50 KPH, but it is
still stuck in the snow. Constable Wisen, having a sense of humor, began
running in place next to the speeding but still stationary car. The driver was
totally freaked thinking the officer is actually keeping up with him.

This goes on for about 20 seconds when Constable Wisen yelled at the
man ordering him to "pull over". This man obeyed and turned his wheel and
stopped the engine. Once out of the car the drunken driver asked about
the RCMPs' special training and just how can the Constable run 50 KPH.

The man, Mr. Robert Duport of Medicine Hat, was arrested still believing
that an RCMP Constable had outrun his car.

******************************************************

The old farmer...

An old farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning
till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about
something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing
with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in
the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and
began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again.
Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet;
caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later the minister noted something
rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would
listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man
mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head
in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old
farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and
asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always
shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say
something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so
I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

posted 05-29-2004 08:55 AM         

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Current mods: Mopar dual exhaust & front mudflaps; MacMotorsports Air Intake;
Real Rod Air Patrol; Graphics by Balistek Designs; ($8) Chrome grille; Chrome
tire valve-stem covers; Painted rear bumper lettering; Prowler Pro Gears; Synthetic
Oil; Raybestos Ceramic Brake Pads; TGF Door Panel Inserts & Headrest Covers;
SheepskinExpress Sheepskin Seatcovers; Grille Light; Pinstriping by Bo Boring;
Painted Valve Cover; Window Tinting; Windshield Visor Banner; Front Bumper
Removal / Relocation of Front Turn Signal Lights; Real Rod Transmission Cooler
Cover, Sill and Carper Covers, Aero Front Covers and Roadster Rear Pan, rear
bumpers removed; rear mudflaps; painted calipers; Prowler Products by Gary
Drilled Rotors, front and rear; Painted tach; Jay's Aluminum Billet Center Caps
w/shimmers, Chrome Lugnuts and Chrome Radio Bezel Shimmer; Dash Rings;
Windshield Wiper Arm Removal; Fender Trim; Speaker Replacement; Painted
Plenum; Painted Radiator Crossmember; Painted Rear Mudflaps; Air Patrol
graphics.

More 'Pumpkin' photos . . . . . More cars and other stuff

New pictures in Personal Scrapbook (02/23/03)

"I may have to grow older, but I do not have to grow up!"