posted 05-14-2004 11:26 AM         

This fall, the Metropolitan Opera is presenting an opera commemorating Bill Clinton's experiences during his eight years in the White House. Composed by Giuliani Veritas (in Italian), it was originally commissioned by Jesse Helms in conjunction with the National Endowment for the Arts:

LA BUBBA VITA, by Giuliani Veritas

Act I. The Situation: Bill Clinton has been elected President of the United States over George Bush, the Elder. The Republicans are devastated, angry and are trying to find their way back to power. As the curtain rises on the opera,the House Republicans are meeting with Ken Starr with the object of trying to find a way to remove Clinton from the Presidency.

Opening chorale, "We Must Find a Way" (Creato grandissimo floozi scandala) is sung as a sextet. In an impressive recitative, Tom DeLay sings "Where Will We Find a Helper?" (Dredgi uppulia una Granda Bimbo).

The House Republicans exit. Paula Jones enters stage right with a mirror, singing her plaintive "Why Can't I Find a Man?" (Mia schnozola es humongo).

Tom DeLay and Newt Gingrich enter from the other wing. They spot Paula and sing the duet "Why Not Her?" (La floozi perfecta).

They meet and take Paula to a small cafe where they hatch their plot in hushed tones. Paula tells them of her meeting in a hotel with Clinton years earlier and how her fortunes have collapsed since then. DeLay and Gingrich offer to help.They sing the aria "Your Luck has Changed" (Nozjobbo e'rewardo).

Act II. The House Republicans reconvene with the news of Paula's revelations. They sing in jubilation "We Must Tell the World" (Fono tabloido). The rear curtain raises to reveal the Chorus of Media who sing the chorale "Tell Us More, But Only the Truth" (Sexio scandala hypo sweepi).

Gingrich enters with Pat Robertson. They sing the duet "He Must Go" (Hypocriti pious crappola). Robertson offers time on his television program to expose the charges

At the House Republicans' suggestion, Paula initiates a lawsuit. The Paula Jones scandal becomes the topic of conversation throughout the country.

The Chorus of Lawyers enters from the right to sing the jubilant gran chorale "We Must do Our Duty" (Multi, multi grande moola).

Ken Starr meets with the House Republicans to plan the next steps. They sing the aria "We Will Save the Country" (Sleezi connivo, la media succisttuppo).

Starr promises to convene a grand jury which will send charges to the Congress. He sings "The Truth Will be Known" (Whitewater non starto, il probo la floozy epidemio). The Chorus of Lawyers sings a reprise of "We Must Do Our Duty" (Multi, multi grande moola!) as the act ends.

Act III. In Scene 1, Linda Tripp enters the stage arm in arm with Ken Starr. She is wearing a headset and singing "Monica is My Dearest Friend" (Io sono la wiccida witchi occidenta).

She tells Starr about the secret tapes that she has of conversations with Monica Lewinsky. Starr takes them from her and sings "We've Got Him Now" (Presidente droppo pantaloni). Starr hurries off to the Grand Jury to call Monica as a witness.

In Scene 2, Monica enters the grand jury room where the Chorus of Lawyers asks her questions. They sing the recitative "How Did It Happen?" (Panti thongo, la flashi). Monica sings the long, passionate aria "We Were Meant for Each Other" (Nonsmoko El Pruducto, Phalli symboglio).

In Scene 3, Hillary and Bill are sitting in the Lincoln Bedroom talking about the revelations about Monica. Hillary sings "I Will Stand By You" (Tu jercho estupido, io removo tu equippamento). Bill replies with "She Was the Only One"(Non conto Gennifer, Paula, piu multi bimbo forgetta). They embrace!

Act IV. Sam Donaldson is interviewing Henry Hyde in the Capitol BuildingThe Chorus of Lawyers hums in the background. Hyde sings the aria "We Believe in something" (Impeaccho hippi bastardo).

Donaldson sings a recitative in answer, "We Want Only the Truth" (Toupee eslippo).

The great trial begins in the Senate. Trent Lott reacts to public opinion polls showing that the President has a 76% public approval rating by singing the poignant aria "What is Right is Not Popular" (Partia repubblico commitini suicido).

The Chorus of Lawyers sings the chorale "Principles Come First" (Mi adultero non conto).

With great flourish, Henry Hyde, Bill McCullom and Tom DeLay stand before the Senate to present their case. They sing "How Can You Not Convict?" (Evidenso multi flimsioso).

Finally in a moving chorale, the Chorus of Lawyers sings "For the Good of the Nation, We Must Acquit" (Senatorios non stupido.) After the vote is announced, Henry Hyde, Tom DeLay, Trent Lott and Bill McCollum leave the Senate Chamber singing the grand quartet "We Still Know the Truth" (Wasto multi millioni) as the act ends.

Epilogue. President Clinton sings the contrite aria "I Am Very Sorry" (Revengo futuro furioso) as the Chorus of Media circles him, shouting their questions. They sing "Who Will Now Believe Us?" (Publicca desgustanta es in media).

Monica Lewinsky strolls across the stage on the arm of her new literary agent, Ken Starr They sing a stirring duet, "It is Still Not Over" (Publishi grande bucchi, conto multi, multi dollare millioni) as the curtain falls.

FINITO