posted 04-06-2004 03:52 PM         

1. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

2. If the biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.

3. If your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

4. If you thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.

5. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.

6. If you think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

7. If your neighbors think you're a detective because a Deputy always brings you home.

8. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 dollars worth of improvement.

9. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

10. If you've ever asked the preacher, "Hows it hangin".

11. If you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

12. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 80 mph.

13. If somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

14. If breakfast consist of boiled eggs, can of Beenie Weenies & a couple saltine crackers and a 6 pack of Pepsi, because you like the smell it creates after completing the digestive cycle.

15. If there are 13 dogs under the front porch and you have papers for one.

16. If a museum curator tries to buy 7 of the vehicles on blocks in your yard.

17. If your truck has more colors than Jeff Gordons race car!

Now for the awful truth - You know you're from California when......

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.

5. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

6. You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula. (You know what arugula is!)

7. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

8. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

9. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

10. 8:30 am at Starbucks the guy wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

11. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. (Your car cost more than your house.)

12. Its barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH 2004."

13. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or blackberrys'.

14. It's barely sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

15. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

16. The Terminator is your governor.