posted 03-26-2004 12:34 PM         

2. It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.

3. He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

4. Have a cup of coffee--it's already been "saucered and blowed."

5. She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.

6. It's so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.

7. My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.

8. He's as country as cornflakes.

9. This is gooder'n grits.

10. I've been busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.

11. If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

12. I'm bout as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

13. I'm as busy as a moth in a mitten.

14. Happy as a clam at high tide.

Notices to Northerners moving to the South:
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed why shortly.

2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean
Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the
cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow
chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay
out of their way. This is what they live for.

4. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already
know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better
off trying to find it yourself.

5, Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

6. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
understand you, either.

7. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol," as in "big ol truck", or "big ol boy". "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store") is 2nd, and "Y'all" is 3rd; it's harder to use.
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

8. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone
directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

9. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!," get
out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say,
or worse still, that you will ever hear.

10.Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased.

11. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

12. The wardrobe you always brought out in Sept. can wait until Dec.

13. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do if you're Southern.

14. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house.. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.

15. Be advised that in the South "He needed killin" is a valid legal
defense.

posted 03-27-2004 12:06 PM         

quote:

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Originally posted by DR PROWLER:
One more to add heard from a friend not too long ago...

This water is warmer than Dickens...

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posted 03-29-2004 09:47 AM         

The Mason Dixon line. The boundry of of PA and MD. But to a true southerner, any area north of his native state is not in the south. That is except for NC, because that's Dale Earnhard's native state and MOST southerners want to claim him (I'm an exception to this one).

A little correction to #9 from a true southern redneck who has witness such events. "Hey, ya'll watch dis s#*$!

Another southern expression is "Mama an em". Used in a sentence as; "We gonna go over to Mama an em's" (A family gathering). Interpretation - Mama and them. Further interpretation - Your mother and her relatives. Deep southern interpretation - Your Mother and her kingdom. Cause "Mama" rules. If she says she is going to have the family over Sunday, you best be there. She is King/Queen, Judge/Jury/Executioner to Southerners. Respect Daddy, but love yo' Mama.

posted 03-29-2004 03:58 PM         

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randy Cobb:
Gary:

The Mason Dixon line. The boundry of of PA and MD.

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posted 03-29-2004 06:03 PM         

quote:

---

Originally posted by GRROWL:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Randy Cobb:
[B]Gary:

The Mason Dixon line. The boundry of of PA and MD.

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-GRROWL[/B][/QUOTE]

NOT!!!

posted 03-30-2004 09:52 AM         

Down in Kentucky, when you're staying at the motel, and you call the front desk with that pesky plumbing problem...

I got a leak in my sink...

their response is...

..

...

....

Ya, okay, go ahead