posted 12-13-2003 05:31 PM         

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it
should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I
apologize" and "you are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her -- believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from
now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow
while it's still warm.

9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad
or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about
you.

11. Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't
take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they
saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours;
it was given to us by God; He just let us borrow it while we're here....even
our kids.

12. And finally ... Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.