posted 08-09-2003 01:47 PM         

THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY:
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased
was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back
flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not
from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided
a
positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a
fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was
revealed
that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the
coast
some 20 miles from the forest. The fire-fighters, seeking to control the
fire
as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large
dip
buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest
fire
and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like
Flipper
in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a huge fire
dip
bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently, he extinguished exactly 5'10" of
fire. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998
STILL
THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY? A man was motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was
racing the > > engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into
gear. The man, still > > > holding onto the handle bars, was dragged
along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The
wife,
hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying
on
the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the
ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the
several
flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was
spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and
released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered
patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent,
went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette.
After
finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet
bowl while
seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and
her
husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying
on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering
the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin. The wife again ran to
the
phone to call the ambulance. The very same and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband
the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were
the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics
asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the
paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the
stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs
and
broke his arm. Taken from a Florida Newspaper.

STILL HAVING A BAD DAY? REMEMBER IT COULD BE WORSE!
1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers
applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale
ate
them both.
2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a
carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After
weeks of
needling, he snapped and beat her with an ax leaving her mentally
retarded.
3. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically
with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric
kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked
him
with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two
places.
Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman
4. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two
thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded,
trampling
the two hapless protesters to death.
And finally.......
5. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it
was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

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Current mods: Mopar dual exhaust & front mudflaps; MacMotorsports Air Intake;
Real Rod Air Patrol; Graphics by Balistek Designs; ($8) Chrome grille; Chrome
tire valve-stem covers; Painted rear bumper lettering; Prowler Pro Gears; Synthetic
Oil; Raybestos Ceramic Brake Pads; TGF Door Panel Inserts & Headrest Covers;
SheepskinExpress Sheepskin Seatcovers; Grille Light; Pinstriping by Bo Boring;
Painted Valve Cover; Window Tinting; Windshield Visor Banner; Front Bumper
Removal / Relocation of Front Turn Signal Lights; Real Rod Transmission Cooler
Cover, Sill and Carper Covers, Aero Front Covers and Roadster Rear Pan, rear
bumpers removed; rear mudflaps; painted calipers; Prowler Products by Gary
Drilled Rotors, front and rear; Painted tach; and Jay's Aluminum Billet Center Caps
w/shimmers, Chrome Lugnuts and Chrome Radio Bezel Shimmer.

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