posted 09-24-2005 11:25 AM         

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you
for good. I've
been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to
show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell
me that you
had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week,
you came
home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails
done, cooked your
favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home
and ate in
two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the
game. You don't
tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or any thing.
Either you're
cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is,
I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are
moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true that you
and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman
is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown
out your
constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when
you cut off
all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind
was "You look
just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if
you can't say
anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have
gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven
years ago. I
went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because
the price tag
was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my
brother had
just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your
negligee was
$49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work it
out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten
million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I
got home you
were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you
have the
filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter
that you
wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother
was born
Carla. I hope that's not a problem.