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This topic was originally posted in this forum: Tires, Rims Discusssion
Author Topic:   Dam Permit
Ray
unregistered

Posts: 5068
From: Dallas, TX
Registered: OCT 2012

posted 09-19-2005 05:58 PM           
The DAM permit
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This
guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get
to the response letter.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
landowner and/ or contractor who did the following unauthorized
activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of
activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is
in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the
dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no
later than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been
completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division

** This is the actual response sent back: **

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to
respond to.

I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
process of constructing and maintaining two wood debris" dams across
the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize,
nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that
you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would
like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project
any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there
is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness,
their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination
and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that
they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my
Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout
this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating
against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information
Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam
permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam
violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is... aren't the beavers entitled
to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute
and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have to
provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams
failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this
is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In
other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than
harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to
a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers, but if you are
going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam
letter... they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live
and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the
natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can
be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait
until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental
quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually
defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting
the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!
(The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being unable to comply
with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering
machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

Thank You,

Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers



halicat
unregistered

Posts: 5068
From: Dallas, TX
Registered: OCT 2012

posted 09-19-2005 06:11 PM           
long.... but worth every dam word !


Tom Santella
Prowler Junkie

Posts: 1484
From: Sandy Hook Ct. USA
Registered: DEC 2002

posted 09-19-2005 07:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Tom Santella     
I wonder what became of the whole issue???

------------------
BackinBlack


SirReal
Prowler Junkie

Posts: 3332
From: Burtonsville,Md Good ole U.S.A
Registered: MAR 2003

posted 09-19-2005 07:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for SirReal     
Now that is funny on many levels.


toys
Prowler Junkie

Posts: 3818
From: kensington Conn, USA
Registered: DEC 2003

posted 09-19-2005 08:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for toys     
GOD-DAM IT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT DAM RESOLUTION ENDS UP BEING.

Toys

jd2ksilver
Prowler Junkie

Posts: 4360
From: Mt. View, CA
Registered: JUL 2000

posted 09-19-2005 08:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for jd2ksilver     
One of the best ones yet, dam it.


ed monahan
Prowler Junkie

Posts: 33595
From: Cincinnati, OH
Registered: JUL 2000

posted 09-19-2005 09:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ed monahan     
They could use some beavers in New Orleans, dam it.


GenoTex
Prowler Junkie

Posts: 8492
From: Oakfield, WI, USA
Registered: MAR 2002

posted 09-19-2005 09:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GenoTex     
Bush calling for help with the dam.....



CJ
Prowler Junkie

Posts: 18860
From: Rochester Hills, MI USA
Registered: JUL 2000

posted 09-19-2005 10:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CJ     
Damn!!!!


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