posted 06-30-2005 01:44 AM         

Subject: Redneck Church...

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if..... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish and what bait was used to catch 'em.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if..... when the pastor says,"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Five guys and two women stand up.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

You Know You Church Is A Redneck Church if.. the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.. Baptism is referred to as "branding".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... high note on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

You Know Your Church Is A! Redneck Church if... instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet" has in brackets ( Applies to hunting dogs, too.)