posted 03-16-2005 12:10 AM         

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own version of traffic rules. Hold on and pray!

First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's Di-TROIT. NOT DEE-troit. If you pronounce it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are from Toledo and here for the country Music hoe-down.

The morning rush hour is from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are open game.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, and possibly shot. If you're first off the starting line when the light turns green, count to five before going. This will avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to keep from
getting shot.

Schoenherr can ONLY be properly pronounced by a native of the metro Detroit area. That goes for Gratiot too.

Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96, I-75 and I-275 is a way of life. Just deal with it.

If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect or they are "out-of-towners."

All old men with white hair wearing a hat have total right-of-way.

The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 is 85 regardless of the posted speeds. Anything less is considered downright SISSY.

Oh, and don't even think of allowing more than one car length between cars!

The attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is NOT ornamental. "DO NOT get out of your car"

Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, Keep honking, I'm reloading."

If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving 'because they are so friendly in Detroit.' I would suggest you duck.

I-275 &I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.

It's not M-10, it's "the Lodge."

That's not a lake, it's a pothole.

If someone tells you it's on Outer Drive, you better hope you have a map.

The Michigan left turn is simple. If you want to turn left, go a 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get to the left, then make a left, then another left, then make a right. NOW you have gone left.

Enjoy Your Trip To Detroit!