posted 02-27-2005 01:27 PM         

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man
volunteers to cook on the grill, the following chain of events is put
into motion:

1. The woman goes to the store.

2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert.

3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the
man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.

4. The man places the meat on the grill.

5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

9 After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

posted 02-27-2005 01:28 PM         

In one of the stores, he picked up a MIRROR and looked in
it.
Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that!
Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the "picture," but on the way home he remembered
his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in
the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields,
he would go there and look at it.

Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the
barn.

One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and
found the mirror.

posted 02-27-2005 01:29 PM         

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids Next door
won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from Noon to 6 PM!

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather
than settle your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, instead of condoms
and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to
drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.