posted 01-12-2005 08:39 PM         

It happened this week to the founders of a group called Americans for Legal Reform, who were waiting in line to get into a Long Island courthouse.

"How do you tell when a lawyer is lying?" Harvey Kash reportedly asked Carl Lanzisera.

"His lips are moving," they said in unison.

While some waiting to get into the courthouse giggled, a lawyer farther up the line Monday was not laughing.

He told them to pipe down, and when they did not, the lawyer reported the pair to court personnel, who charged them with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor.

"They just can't take it," Kash said of lawyers in general. "This violates our First Amendment rights."

Dan Bagnuola, a spokesman for the Nassau County courts, said the men were "being abusive and they were causing a disturbance."

He said he did not have the name of the lawyer who complained.

Americans for Legal Reform monitors the courts and uses confrontational tactics to push for greater access for the public.

The pair said that for years they have stood outside courthouses on Long Island and mocked lawyers.

On Monday, however, Kash said he was due in court to answer a drunken driving charge from a year and a half ago. The men are due back in court on the disorderly conduct charge next month.

posted 01-12-2005 09:09 PM         

370.01
Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes.

370.02
Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.
The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

370.03
The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is
accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediatly to the nearest car wash.

370.04
It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

370.05
It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

370.06
It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mecedes, or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.

370.07
It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals, or brothels.

370.08
If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necesary to have a license to hunt, trap, or possess the same.

370.09
It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disquise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpooses of hunting attorneys.

370.10
It is unlawful to hunt, trap or possess honest attorneys as they are protected under the Endangered Species Act.

370.11
Bag and Possession Limits per day:

Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2;
Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;
Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4.

posted 01-13-2005 10:21 AM         

Ouch!

a hunter was on safari in Africa hunting lions.....

he and his guide were observing a lion following a herd of elephants and noticed that every time an elephant had a dump, the lion would run up and eat the dung...

after observing this happen several times , the hunter asked his guide why the lion was behaving this way...

the guide explained "he just ate a lawyer and is trying to get the horrible taste out of his mouth"

nothing, there some things even hogs won't do !

posted 01-14-2005 02:48 PM         

A: Not enough cement.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Bob Miller:
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

---

a good start !!

posted 01-14-2005 04:57 PM         

Do you know how to save a drowning attorney? No? Good!!!!

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope!

What's the difference between a lawyer and a pit bull? Jewelry.

How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road? The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.

What's the difference between God and an attorney? God doesn't think he's an attorney.

God and the devil were talkin on the phone one day and the devil says "oh by the way... thanks for sending down that engineer .... he's awesome ! .... we have installed air conditioning.... got new elevators... thanks alot !"

God says .... "hey wait a minute..... that was a mistake.... he wasn't supposed to go to hell, you will have to send him back...."

the devil says " no way God... that ain't going to happen ... he's mine now !"

God says " i'm afraid i'll have to take you to court "