YellowFever unregistered Posts: 569 From: Granada Hills, Ca, USA Registered: MAY 2001
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posted 02-12-2003 10:10 AM
What the world heard on the tape: "Death to America and anyone non-muleum. We must help Iraq win this war." What the French heard on the same tape: "I love you, you love me, we're one happy family....with a great big hug and kiss from me to you....."
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MarineGuns Prowler Junkie Posts: 72 From: Kailua, HI, USA Registered: FEB 2002
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posted 02-12-2003 11:37 AM
Yellow Fever,Here is a the Complete Military History of France. I don't know who wrote it. Howard - Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." -Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. - War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. -The Dutch War - Tied -War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. -War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. -World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. - War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. - War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"
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YellowFever unregistered Posts: 72 From: Kailua, HI, USA Registered: FEB 2002
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posted 02-12-2003 12:33 PM
MarineGuns, TOO Funny! President Bush to French President: We are looking to invade Iraq, are you on our side? French President: We surrender! President Bush: That wasn't the right answer French President: Oh, sorry. Mr. President, we surrender
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