posted 01-22-2002 10:09 AM         

My wife and I have all the secrets for making a marriage last:

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesday's, I go Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in
Cincinnati.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I
suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread
maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to
sit down!" So I
bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water
in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In
the
lake."

8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost
weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now.

9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
off.

10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the
garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

Remember .... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
her.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"...I
said, "Dust!" In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God
created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither
God
nor man has rested.