posted 01-08-2002 08:24 PM         

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!

posted 01-08-2002 09:55 PM         

A blonde stepped out of the shower and told her
husband
she was done. Just as he got in the shower, the
door bell rang. She quickly grabed her towel and
wrapped it around herself as she went to the door.
She opened the door and there was her neighbor, Tom,
standing there with his mouth to the floor with his
eyes popping out. Here was a beautiful, drop
dead, gorgeous woman in nothing but a smile
and a towel!
He reached into his pocket and took out of his wallet
$200. He said to her, "I'll give you $200 if you drop
that towel to your waist. She thinks about it and
figures, "Wow, we could really use the money, and who
else is going to know?" So she does it.
With eyes popping, Tom whips out another $200 and
says,
"I'll give you another $200 if you drop that towel to
the floor." She thinks,"Well, I've already compromised
myself and the money would really come in handy." So
she drops the towel. Tom hands her the $400, thanks
her, and walks away. She goes back upstairs and her
husband asks, "Who was that at the door?" "Just Tom,"
she says. To that he replies "Did he say anything
about the $400 he owes me?"

posted 01-08-2002 09:56 PM         

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons and says,
"I'll
make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my privates
inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then
open
his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing
this
spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their
approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his
privates in
the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd
gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator
hard
on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed
his
genitals - unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The
man
stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's
willing to
give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of
the
bar. A BLONDE woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise
not
to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

posted 01-13-2002 07:10 AM         

When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.

He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde,

'Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!'.

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, 'Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!'

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.

When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.

He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

Now she's laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

'What's so funny?' the truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, 'Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!!

posted 01-13-2002 07:25 AM         

Tried to put M&M's in Alphabetical order- Got stabbed in a Shootout

It took Her 2 Hours to watch 60 minutes

Drove you to the baseball game and saw a sign that said stadium left, so she turned around and went home.

Received 'Artificial Intelligence' when she dyed her hair brown.

Called the Love 'Hotline' and got burned.

She studied for a blood test, and...FAILED!

SHE CALLED YOU TO GET YOUR PHONE NUMBER

She stared at the orange juice for 45 minutes cause it said concentrate.

She sent you a fax with a stamp on it.

She tried to drown a fish.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

She thought A.I.D.S. was something to improve your hearing.

They had to burn down the school to get her out of 2nd grade.

She tripped over a cordless phone.

She asked for a price check at the dollar store.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

posted 01-13-2002 07:47 AM         

A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

posted 01-13-2002 07:50 AM         

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"