posted 11-20-2001 12:43 AM         

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don't answer their mail.

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men can't pack a bag.

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."

Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.

Men don't like to wrap presents, so if Santa were a man, the gifts would be in their bags.

Men don't ask for directions, and Santa would inevitably get lost in the snow and clouds.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.