posted 10-13-2001 08:23 AM         

MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMBAT

1.You are not a superman.
2.If it's stupid but works, it's not stupid.
3.Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4.When in doubt, empty your magazine.
5.Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
6.Remember: Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
7.If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
8.No plan survives the first contact intact.
9.All 5-second grenade fuses will burn out in 3.
10.Try to look unimportant. The enemy may be low on ammo.
11.If you are forward of your position the artillery will always fall short.
12.The important things are always simple.
13.The simple things are always hard.
14.The easy way is always mined.
15.If you are short of everything except enemy, you're in combat.
16.When you have secured an objective, don't forget to let the enemy know about it.
17.Incoming fire has the right of way.
18.If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
19.No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
20.Beer math: two beers times 37 men equal 49 cases.
21.Body count math: two guerillas plus one portable plus two pigs equal 37 enemy KIA.
22.Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
23.Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
24.Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
25.Tracers work both ways.
26.The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
27.Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
28.If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
29.When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
30.Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
31.Murphy was a grunt.

posted 10-15-2001 08:42 AM         

You found me out. Army, 16 years, and 46 months left until I am up for parole (retirement).

posted 10-15-2001 09:41 AM         

Hang in there,

with ENVY,

posted 10-15-2001 01:30 PM         

Signed One of "Uncle Sams Misguided Children" (-USMC- for the uninitiated.) Sorry Andy, but I couldn't pass that one up. In any event, keep those military humor posts comming.

posted 10-16-2001 05:50 AM         

Harry, no problem. I know now it wasn't the best choice. But hopefully, I will make it to retirement without going on a killing spree at work. Sometimes I wonder how our military has ever won a war. Ah, but things were better when I joined. Now, things are just all messed up. If I come up with some more humor, I will post it.