posted 05-10-2001 10:10 PM         

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when odometer reaches 4000 miles since
last change.
2) Drink a soda while waiting.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
$ 23.00 for oil change.
$1.00 soda.
Total=$24.00 U.S.

Oil change instructions for men:

1) Go to Auto parts store write a check for $60.00 for
oil,filter,kitty litter,hand cleaner, and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full instead of taking it
back to to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find stands under kids peddal car.
6) In fustration open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engin.
8) look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use a crescent wrench.
10) Un screw drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil, get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; Poke filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer
17) Buddy shows up; Finish case of beer, finish oil change
tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil from car and dump out back.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled from step 18.
20) Beer. No drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard
along with the drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that the first quart of oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
car frame.
32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for an additional 10 minutes because wrench hit miss
December 2000 in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to
stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter cause of step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the Influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail; Get car from impound yard.
Money Spent:
$50.00 Parts
$25.00 Beer
$75.00 Replace set jacks (hey the colors have to match)
$1000.00 Bail.
$200.00 Impound and towing fee.
---------------------
$1350.00 Total