posted 04-25-2001 01:01 PM         

Men's Secret Language

1. "I'M GOING FISHING":
Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a
boat
with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

2. "IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with
it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

3. "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

4. "UH HUH, SURE HONEY," or, "YES, DEAR."
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

5. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest."

6. "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST . . . I HAVE LOTS OF THINGS
ON MY MIND."
Translated: "Is that woman over there wearing a bra?"

7. "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

8. "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

9. "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of
the first girl I ever kissed, the license plate numbers of every car
I've ever owned, I just forgot your birthday."

10. "I DUNNO . . . I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND I GOT YOU
THESE ROSES. . ."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

11. "OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to
death before I admit that I am hurt."

12. "I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Translated: ". . . and I sure hope I think of some soon."

13. "I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my out stretched hands, so I'm
completely clueless."

14. "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

15. "I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping
desperately
that I can fake it well enough so that you don't find out."

16. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and I realize it
could be worse."

17. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh God, please don't try on MORE clothes."

18. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again.